Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
