Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
