Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
