Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
