the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
