my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
