Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
