At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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