I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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