Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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