I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
