he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
