i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
