omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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