matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love you. Go after that dick
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
