Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Im part way to drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
