omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
