"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
