I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
