Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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