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9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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