Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
