My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize