I accidentally burped into my bong.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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