he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
