He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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