If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
