just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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