I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
