His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
