Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
