i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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