Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
