You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
