i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
