yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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