I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
