Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
