Jerry, you need to find god
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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