weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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