we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
my shit smells like andre
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
