It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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