i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
