very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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