you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
