This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
