I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
