he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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