so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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