I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
