R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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